Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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