The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
A+ Viking dick
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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