My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
