do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
