dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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