I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
