He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
