you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You are the jesus of drinking
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
