i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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