i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
