so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
