i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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