please come you make the beer taste better
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
