I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
