he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
