she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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