well I can't set my house on fire every night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
