wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
