haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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