At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you had me at cake vodka
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize