Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
