Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
