We're facebook friends in real life
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
