We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
