I think my fart just growled at me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
