I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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