i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
