is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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