he wants to bone in the snuggie
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
