the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
