I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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