using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
