was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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