Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
