he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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