please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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