He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
