but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The Olympian is in my bed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
