I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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