i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
