it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
