I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
