After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
