apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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