3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Randomize
