I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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