Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
