note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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