How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
