Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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