i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
