sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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