and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
