my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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