I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize