Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
