so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
