After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
