He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
