WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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