I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
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