All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
