Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
