Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
