she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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