Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
