Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
