dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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