I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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