I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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