I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I got inside last night via doggy door
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
